he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
