Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
