We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
