he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
