it's not cheating when I paid for it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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