I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
