CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
