yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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