Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it's like iHOP with fire
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
