end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
