I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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