dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
