remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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