im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
