I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
