and next time when you feel me up, do it right
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
