You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
