Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
