You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
