Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
