i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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