Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
