I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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