I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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