Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
