Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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