dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He felt like a one man threesome
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
