Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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