I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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