i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
