i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
birth control should be required to get into college
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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