bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
