we have pet lesbian snakes
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
