He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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