my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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