Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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