i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
