Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Randomize
