wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
