Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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