its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
