does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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