I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
