gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
