she smelled like a LAN party
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My vagina is officially offended.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
