glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
