u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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