I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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