i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
