Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
